I say, would you care to join the Berkshire hunt?

Its very easy to be adamant about not adapting to American English when you first get here. Then you realize that no-one has a clue what you are saying and its sometimes much more efficient. Hear me out on this one.

You very quickly realize that the looks of bemusement when you talk are partly because you are talking so quietly, partly because your accent is so fucking posh (all British accents are posh. Even you, Birmingham), but mostly because they are working out what the words you just said actually mean based on the context. Three seconds after you finish they smile and realize that when you suggested they 'pop their bag in the boot'* you actually wanted them to stuff it in the trunk of your car. Most of the Americans I have met (from all over the US) have tried really hard with this - they know about these differences and they try hard to spot them before they become an issue. (Its the same with weights and measurements - they always try to convert fahrenheit to celsius, pounds to kilograms, and then back to stone, or miles to kilometres, then back to miles for us. Poor bastards. This half-arsed imperial/metric shit we got going on in the UK is ridiculous.)

You also frequently come across words that actually mean something else here. A cookie in the UK is a sort of fat squidgy biscuit, but a biscuit in the US is what Brits call a scone. And don't get me started on fanny and fag. 

Finally, you start to realize just how hilariously idiosyncratic some of our lexicon is. Once you've had to explain, amid hoots of laughter, what a 'hen do' is (the 'hen bit is fine, if a little odd when you look at the counterpart 'stag'. The most difficult bit is the 'do'. Try it, go on. Now, what if I throw in a casual 'hairdo', what does that do to your definition, eh? And if I lob in 'a bit of a to-do'? This language is ridiculous) you start to see the words you use from someone else's perspective. 

Describing what you did at the weekend as 'bugger all' ** suddenly feels downright Dickensian. And a bit dirty.

http://giphy.com/gifs/vJJBNWygJucuI

http://giphy.com/gifs/14up2cTMOGbXPO

Once you learn how to control your new power you can entertain and delight at any social gathering. Throw in a few choice examples of cockney rhyming slang (it matters not a jot that the first time I actually went to the East End was when I was 26) and innuendo*** and you'll have 'em in stitches. And if you want to go even deeper****, crack open some Polari. Its a lesson in history, politics, law and popular culture all rolled into some beautiful linguistic wordplay. And sex.

I do enjoy a bit of Profanisaurus action, too. This goes down best after a few drinks***** and the conversation naturally gets a bit fruity (just me?)

Of course we now touch on the difference between the American and British sense of humor, which is another discussion entirely, though we Brits do get a lot of pleasure out of a good pun******, or double entendre. We are the nation that brought the world Carry On films and Julian and Sandy, after all. 

I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing to the english stereotype in the US, but fuck it. If these berks don't have a scooby then who am I to give a friar tuck. Bollocks.

http://www.reddit.com/r/blackpeoplegifs/comments/1ezmp7/when_im_riding_dirty/

Index of double entendre

*At least buy me dinner first.

**Sounds like a standard Friday night. Ooh-er.

***In YOUR end-o.

****Like your mum.

*****Like your mum.

******Like your mum. And your nan.