The black hole in the kitchen

In the UK we don't have garbage disposal thingys in our kitchen sinks. I think its something to do with the British sense of doom and gloom. When the good people of Britain see a queue we think 'Le sigh - just my luck. That enormous queue is probably for the exact thing that I need. I'd better join it'. Similarly, when we Brits see a meat grinder instead of a plug hole we are inclined to think 'Le sigh - I guess I'll be losing my cutlery/wedding ring/hand/torso down that bad boy. Better tell the wife and kids that the trip to Chessington is off because we'll be at A&E all weekend'.

We're pretty pessimistic people, and I, for one, do not trust the washing up water sluicing everything near the sink down towards the terrifying motorised teeth and human-hand sized hole. Its bad enough that the hole is enormous, let alone the pulverising motion of the blades or the growling 'om nom nom' of the motor.

That said, it is quite addictive. And after about 10 minutes asking myself what can I put down there (as in 'what am I allowed to put down there?'), I started asking the more important question: what can't I put down there? And by can't I mean physically, not morally.

A bit of googling offered this useful advice for a garbage disposal noob. And these hilarious images:

And a bit of experimentation yielded mixed results:

Not sure how I'm gonna fix that. I've just put it back in the cutlery drawer and hope that the cutlery fairies come and fix it.

I also discovered a new thing - why waste valuable seconds explaining to other noobs that you can't put fats, oils and grease down the sink, simply shorten it to FOG. Its cool. Its a thing. People will deffo know what you're talking about.



I have to admit - its actually a real revelation - the thought of scraping the dregs of a meal down the drain rather than into the recycle bin is actually quite exciting (yeah, whatevs - I get my kicks wherever I can these days). It feels heaps cleaner (no gross drips of gravy) and quicker and easier. (Am I turning into one of Godfrey Bloom's domestic sluts? Meh - what do I care what a soon-to-be jobless old twat thinks).

But Brits - rest assured that while we miss out on the fun of a garbage disposal, we also, generally, get to wash our soiled undergarments in the privacy of our own home. Pity many of our American cousins who have to gather up their laundry and take it to a communal room in their apartment block, or, *shock*, an actual launderette. Seriously - they have built-in dishwashers and garbage disposal units, but no space for a washing machine? When exploring apartments we're getting alot of teeth-sucking when we mention that we want a washing machine in unit. And the two people I've asked who have washing machines in-unit still have to put quarters in to get it working?? WTF? 

I WILL be doing my laundry in my pants on a Saturday morning, and if that upsets my neighbours then so be it.