Rocking a Mrs Beeton vibe, mothafuckas!

I thought it might be handy to do a post on cooking. Its not something I'm particularly good at (unless its Wotsits) but I am learning. And its so much easier in the US! Aside from the utterly SHITE electric cooker we have that means timing is a game of fucking russian roulette (will I die from undercooked chicken or choke on chicken thats so dry it sandpipers my esophagus on the way down?) the use of cups is ingenious, and you can have a myriad of packages in the cupboard that instantly turn into brownies or stuffing or canapés. Noms.

A few things to note though:

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1. Get yourself some cups. Seriously - dicking around with a set of scales feels primitive now.
2. Everything is in Fahrenheit, obvs, so deal with it.
3. Broiling is actually grilling, not some hideous boiling/retching combo that it sounds like.
4. They call grated cheese "shredded" cheese. Wanna know why? Because you buy it prepackaged in a little bag. They have no desire to know HOW it got into these little shreds - the grating process is irrelevant - what they want to know is the current state that its in - shredded. Done. Convenience, bitches!
5. If you're looking for a lovely fillet of beef (the little round expensive one) you'll need to look for the word "tenderloin" - thats what they call it here. It may be called filet mignon, apparently, although I've only ever seen it labelled as tenderloin, and the meat dude had no idea what I was talking about when I asked for fillet steak.
6. They don't have golden syrup here, so if you're a fan of flapjacks you'll have to find some way of making corn syrup less atrocious and use that. Also, flapjacks are a type of pancake here - if you want an actual english flapjack try asking for an oat bar. 
7. Custard isn't a "thing". This is good and bad. Its bad because WHAT THE FUCK?? Its good because it meant I had to learn to make the most epic custard in the world ever, and every one of my lovely American chums has said that they love custard and its a special treat when they actually get to eat some. They are all such lovely people that they could just be humoring me, but I take my compliments where I can get them, so that one's going in the bank.

   

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8. If you want a yummy biscuit base you'll probably have to use Graham Crackers (pronounced "Gram" for some fucking reason. Don't get me started on that - its the "Craig" pronounced like "Creg" debacle all over again) instead of digestives, unless you want to pay out of your are for some imported digestives. Not the same, but equally as good.
9. Bovril is illegal. Yup, you heard. Its a meat-based by-product so it is totes illegal. You can still have Marmite and Vegemite though, which are nearly as good. Although a hot Marmite is not a patch on a hot Bovril (look it up, kids, its an actual drink).
10. Stuffing isn't quite like the Paxo we know and love at home - its much more bread-y. I actually MUCH prefer the US stuff you get in the Stove Top packets, but it is way more filling than Paxo.
11. And on that note - marshmallows on top of mashed sweet potato is a thing. As far as I can tell its not a very posh thing, but don't be horrified if it turns up at your table. 

So, I think thats all the cooking things I can think of for the moment? Shopping in a US supermarket is so much fun - there are just so many random things that make cooking more convenient/more fun/less of a ballache/more tasty. I'm sure I'll be back with more cooking tips soon. Ooh - I feel like Mrs Beeton! Or maybe I'm more a Fanny Craddock? Yeah, I'm more of a Fanny. Oh do fuck off, Johnny...