I'm fairly sure parrots shouldn't be self-administering medication
If you're gonna get a headache in the US there are a couple of things you should know:
1. Don't bother looking for normal painkillers in this jungle - the parrots have eaten em all. HAHA!! Seriously though, don't ask for paracetamol - here in the US its called acetaminophen. It the same stuff, but for some reason they call it be a swanky new name.
2. They have really handy mini-clinics in some of the pharmacies where you can get antibiotics for a sore throat right there and then. And you don't even have to be a US citizen - even foreigners with no SSN or health insurance can pop in and get down to the prescription drug shuffle.
What you can't get, however, is Imigran. Weirdly its totally cool to hand out antibiotics like fucking jelly beans, but if you've got more than a mild constipation-induced headache (seriously - you get a headache ask yourself two questions: have I had a poop today? Have I had enough water? You're welcome.) then you have to waste your time and money going to see an actual doctor and getting something prescribed. As well as being rather annoying, it makes you realize that drug regulation is not an exact science. Terrifying, huh? There was me thinking that if something was deemed safe in the UK then that was probably the definitive answer. It actually turns out that each country has their own idea of what is safe and what needs to be regulated. And how, I hear you ask, do they decide these things if the answer isn't universal? Could it be something to do with who is running the country and which drug companies have a foot in the door? I'll give you a clue: yeah, it has everything do with that. Seriously, check it out and you'll see that most countries have a history of this sort of thing. Call it a conspiracy theory if you like, I just call it capitalism at its finest. The one saving grace is the heavily litigious environment in the US means that if they do accidentally let something slip through that keeps GSK happy, but kills a a couple of rednecks then their families will probably get a few thou out of it.
All of that said, though, if you do have a migraine in the US and you can get seen by a doctor he can give you two incredible injections that will destroy your brain-crippling migraine in 15 minutes. I'm serious. Having had a couple of migraines myself and watched mother and mother-in-law out of action for days with migraines I was astounded to see how quickly the can be dispatched with a couple of strong drugs coursing through your veins. In-bloody-credible.
Anyway, back to the paracetamol issue. Calling it Acetaminophen kinda scuppers the old gag a bit:
Why aren't there any painkillers in the jungle? Because the parrots-eat-'em-all.
Not sure how I feel about parrots self-medicating, now. If I'm not to be trusted with headache tablets, I'm not sure that a parrot is qualified. Its ok though, I've come up with a new one that builds on the premise of under-qualified avian doctors dishing out the drugs will-nilly. I think you'll agree its a solid substitute:
Why are you suing the Avian Medical Council over a couple of parrot overdoses? Because I-see-too-many-of-them.
Yeah, alright. Its not a masterpiece, but adequate for a first draft.
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