Tis the season and whatnot. But seriously - pumpkin spice is a national obsession that I am completely over. I have two issues.
1. Pumpkin spice is not an actual flavor. For the uninitiated it seems to be the flavoring that people traditionally put with pumpkin to make a pumpkin pie more palatable than mildly sweet, squidgy slop. The flavor is a combination of cinnamon and nutmeg, and possibly a bit of ginger and cloves, if you're feeling fancy. Cloves are sent from the seventh circle of hell to ruin christmas, so I'm already not on board with this nonsense. But, lets call it what it is - christmas spices. Calling it pumpkin spice is like calling Salt & Vinegar crisps 'Chip spiced'. Nope.
2. If everyone jumps on the bandwagon this shit gets real old real quick. Lest we forget the lament of the one hit wonder. With that in mind, lets explore some of the most and least appropriate pumpkin-spiced shit that one can buy:
Peanut butter:
Margarine:
Oreos: I'm not a fan of birthday cake oreos - a couple of dunks in a cup of coffee and you got a serious case of the diabeetus.
Johnnies: Really? Classy. I can imagine thats one hell of a conversation started and a passion killer. "Hey baby, you like pumpkin-spiced lattes? Well, fancy coming back to my place to wrap your lips around this?" Nope.
Pop tarts: standard
Philadelphia: Its cheese, guys.
M&Ms: Clove flavoured chocolate. Gross.
Porridge: Come on, guys, you can actually put actual spices into your actual porridge oats.
Waffles: I'm a sucker for a nice waffle. This does not sound like a nice waffle.
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