Noms from the heavens

Since living in the US I have discovered some mightily delicious items to make me fat. I'm big into my smoothies at the moment, but thats really just to balance out the filthy salty snacks that I've been pushing into my face every day. Exhibit a: Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits. Oh sweet lordy lord. I'm a fan of Red Lobster anyway (yeah, I know they're going down the shitter, and I know their food is aimed at old people, but its tasty!) and the best bit of the meal is the biscuits. Blistering barnacles, Batman, they taste like the very ambrosia of the gods, sent dan on a cloud of salt and garlic. And you can make them at home. So I do. Frequently.   

In a similar vein, there are these delicious morsels: Chicken in a Biskit (I presume the spelling error was deliberate?) Like crackers (and not the sad Cream Crackers you get in the UK. These are more like actual biscuits) that have been kissed by chicken bisto. Salty, slightly stock cube-y and very delicious when crumbled into soup. Or over a cottage pie. Or eaten from the box on the sofa.

As you may be able to discern - I like salty snacks. These little beauties were discovered in a service station in the mountains. You can't get the butter flavor in quality establishments like Safeway - you have to go to Walmart to get these little fellas. They are cheesy poofs without the cheese. Like popcorn without the little husk bits that stick in your gums. 

Finally, some afters. Banana cream Jell-o pudding is like Angel Delight with more chemicals. You have to buy the one that you cook (the instant one is a bit too wobbly, but the cooked one is like banana custard. Noms)

All of that said, there are still things I really miss from the UK, and its not the stuff I thought I'd miss. Sure, there's Cadbury's chocolate on the list (y'all need to have a chat with the FSA about the atrocity you call Hershey's. All the schmaltzy, sappy, childhood-reminiscing adverts cannot trick me into believing the shite that I just put in my mouth tastes anything more that plastic vomit. It doesn't melt properly! And the AFTERTASTE?? WTF is that? I don't want a Hershey's kiss from someone who's just vomited.) More so that a block of Cadbury's, though, I miss the Fudges, the Flakes and the Milky Ways. 

And on the savory side - Salad Cream!!! Dayum. I watch the lad munch away on fries with ketchup and I crave the vinegar delight of Salad Cream.  

And to wash it all down? Some squash! Yes! Some weak-ass barely flavored water. Thats full of sugar, but lacking in flavor.  Its not a root vegetable with sloppy guts. Its not the same as fruit juice. Its not the same as these terrible low cal water additive atrocities that taste like saccharin from satan's arse. Its what tennis champions at Wimbledon drink - a drop of orange and barley. Refreshing!