Dr Johnsons' word of the day

- Oh, hai, I'm Dwayne 'the Rock' Johnson, and this here is my pal, Dr Samuel 'I wrote the dictionary' Johnson.

 

 

S'up? -

- Grasping the intricacies of the Northern American dialect can sometimes be a challenge for visiting Brits, so Sammy and I are here to educate you in a series we're calling:

Dr Johnsons' word of the day*

 

Hey D, are you a real Doc? -

- Leave it, bro.

 

Really? Legit? -

- I said leave it!

 

Geez. -

 - Anyway, for your edification and delight, today's word is:

com·fort·er

noun

Basically, a duvet, but comforters often come all brightly coloured with the expectation that you'll use it without a cover (ew). You can buy duvets (the cheapest and best are found in Ikea), but if you want to source some online you'll need to look for 'duvet insert', because, apparently, (mistakenly) the 'duvet' is the bit on the outside, and the 'duvet insert' is the big fluffy thing full of feathers. Nope, but I guess I'll have to play by your rules, America.

Join us again soon for another exciting foray into American-English.


* Not in any way endorsed by THE Dwayne Johnson. Or Samuel Johnson for that matter.

Soccer

I've never really had a thing for David Beckham, (so Vicky should seriously back off - I'm not interested in your man, k?) but I don't question that he is the epitome of a British footballer (fine - soccer player - whatevs - pretty sure we invented it, but don't let that stop you from 'correcting' me). 

I was chatting to some lovely peeps in a bar in California and, to detract from the fact that my sporting banter is very limited, I started talking about the differences between the college system in the States and the football academies in the UK. In the UK we groom our future footballers from a really young age - they are spotted as little boys (yes, boys, a combination of factors means that women's football is not televised, and young female footballers are not in demand like their male counterparts. It's a fact, despite what personal irritation this may cause) and go to a succession of academies that train them to be top notch, but don't really focus on any backup plan. If you don't become David Beckham #2 then what do you do? The focus has been on the sport, so unless you've got an epic support network who can steer you towards education/qualifications/apprenticeships etc then you get a bit lost and end up working in a supermarket, trading on an old dream, telling people you once had a try-out for Arsenal. Surely the American system of highly-regarded college football is better?

So, you're the high school track star, you get a sports scholarship to an amazing university, but throughout your sports training you have to maintain an average grade to ensure you don't lose sight of your education, just in case, ya know, Miami Heat don't come calling. Fab idea, shame that's not always how it works.

The peeps I was chatting to were quick to correct me. Apparently colleges stand to gain quite a lot financially from having sporting stars play for them. Brits may be surprised to hear that college football is televised in the US, and not in a Transworld Sport, 6am on a Sunday morning way. It is properly important. This country thrives on competition, and if your old college is playing you really care if they win. Damn - Brits can be so dismissive - I know I don't give a crap if Warwick beat Manchester in a crappy soccer game.

So, your college team is pretty good, you get a lot of tv coverage, people see your college as superior, they go there, your college gets money. Easy.

Now comes the part that my lovely bar peeps explained - if you are a potential money-spinner your high

school/college will do whatever they can to keep your grades up, like hire a tutor. A tutor who might be able to do the really hard stuff for you if you're too busy running around?

Now, I know nothing about this approach, except what I've been told, so don't get your panties in a twist if your college really did focus on education. Blah blah. My point is that the British system and US system of grooming young sporting stars is ostensibly the same. If you become a star then you're sorted. If you don't then you may well end up out in the cold world with dashed dreams, the faded glory of being the next big thing and no idea what to do next. In the US you'll have a college degree, but it may be worth sod all because you didn't actually do the work.

I know there are plenty of people who go on to have amazing careers in other areas, but the systems aren't

foolproof, and the more money that's at stake the more people stop seeing the kids and start seeing cash cows.

I don't pretend to have a solution. Maybe stop paying sports people in the most popular sports so much money? Unlikely. Anyway, I'm not about solving problems, I'm about exploring perspectives. And talking. Constantly. Most importantly my Cali bar trip has been an education as always - everyone was charming, interesting and educated. Might try and have this discussion in Aquum in Clapham, see how far I get.

You had one job...

Coming from the home of the 6:57 crew, as I do, I am used to a certain brand of football supporter. Its the same story in all the working class areas of the UK. Win, and the fans float about the city on a cloud of pride and righteousness. Lose, and the city/opposing fans/football grounds get smashed up.

This week, after all the media hype and anticipation , the 49ers lost against the Seahawks in a game that killed their chances of reaching the 2014 Superbowl. I watched the news as the team slowly drove their coach back to the grounds in San Francisco...to the cheers of around a hundred fans?? What?? CHEERS?? Seriously - if a team loses in the UK they are lucky if NOBODY shows up, because SOMEBODY showing up means you're going to get pelted with cans and verbal abuse.

I exaggerate, and I'm not condoning the behaviour of football hooligans, but the point still stands - you had

one job, guys, ONE JOB. And you failed. Its very sweet that your fans wait for you at midnight to welcome you home with, "Nevermind", "You did great!" and, "There's always next year!", but those people spend ALOT of their hard-earned moolah on your merchandise. They work hard in their jobs to come watch you do yours. Badly, as it turns out.

Count yourself lucky that you're playing in the States, that's all I can say, because if you played in the UK you would have some serious questions to answer.

Leo gets it

Trying to work out the cost of living in the States is hard for a couple of reasons.

1. There are a shit-ton of mystery taxes that you need to add to everything. We're paying about $100 a month for tv and broadband. I think. Plus state taxes. Plus ineptitude tax. Plus exasperation duty and a-permanent-sense-of-unease tax. Plus cheese. Hold the relish.


2. I have literally no idea what extra stuff we need to pay for. In the UK we have rent, water, electricity, gas, council tax, tv license and then extras like phone, internet and sky tv. In the US you don't have tv license (I guess I'm not paying to watch BBC 1 twice anymore, which is a good thing (though I would pay my license fee alone to watch Sherlock and listen to BBC Radio 4 extra), but, seriously, there should be a couple of tv stations that aren't owned by ratings-crazed whores. Quality tv is not dictated by rednecks with remotes, people!!), but you do have to pay for garbage - what?? Surely the local authorities cover all that stuff in the wads of moolah you give them?

And it doesn't matter how many people you ask - they don't realise that you don't know about this extra junk. My point is - you don't know what you don't know, but we're slowly working it out. I just have a nagging feeling that all the other expats sitting at home laughing at us.

"Mwa-ha-ha - wait til they find out that there are no online comparison websites to get the best deal for your cable tv because they are all basically run by one company. Mwa-ha-ha-ha!"

Dammit, guys!