Thursday 17 March 2016

Taking the plunge in the City by the Bay; meth, penis socks and a guy jerking off

Well, we finally took the plunge and actually moved to the big smoke. Though the big fog would be more appropriate. 

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The apprehension I felt while looking at potential apartments was not abated by the man who dropped trou and started pooping against a wall as I walked past on my way to a viewing. And this seems to be irksome, but entirely too comfortably tolerated by all the current inhabitants of the city! There really is no excuse for shitting in the street on a busy Thursday afternoon? 

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Pretty much anything goes in SF, which makes it a fascinating and vibrant city, and I really don't want to lose my current mixture of fear, respect, awe and intrigue, but it looks like that feeling wears off pretty quick. When regaling my City chums with stories of men hanging out in the park wearing only gold lame penis socks, trainers, a small satchel and a hat (Seriously??? A hat??? If you're worried about sunburn I've got a better solution. Clothes. Also, a bag?????? When you left the house this morning and wondered where to put your keys and your wallet, didn't your mind immediately leap to 'trousers' rather than 'over-the-shoulder canvas bag') their shrug is always punctuated with the same "that's San Francisco" refrain. Really?? You've become THAT accustomed to street-pooping that its just one of the quirky features of the City?? 

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The latest tale of incredulity comes courtesy of a close neighbor who found a dude wanking next to the front door of his apartment block (I feel like the term "jerking off" really doesn't sound graphic enough. If you're "jerking off" then you're just messing around, being a bit of a scamp. A man pleasuring himself in an apartment doorway is most definitely "wanking"). Yup. That happened. 

I really REALLY don't want to become numb to this City and its inhabitants. Firstly, shitting in the street is fucking disgusting and we should all be horrified and do something about this before we welcome the Bubonic Plague with our apathy. Secondly, if all of the craziness becomes second nature then what's to enjoy? The uniqueness of a man in a gold lame penis sock having a picnic in a public park is one of the reasons people still flock to SF, and if you're not still amazed by the City then maybe its time to move on. 

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