Smug British scoff of the day

Thank goodness I was on my own in the car when I had my little smug scoff earlier. The chap on NPR (publicly funded American Radio 4 with adverts and less radio drama) announced that the successful stage production "One man, two guvnors" was coming to the Bay Area. Having never actually seen the production I am assuming that, due to the spelling of "guvnors", it is referencing a "guvnor" as in "boss"? Non? And the pronunciation is fairly important - a "guvnor" is different to a "governor", who is someone who presides over California or a school. The dude on the radio clearly wasn't aware of that distinction, as he announced "One man, two governors", starring, presumably, Arnold Schwarzenneger in one of the governator roles? You can, presumably, hear the sarcasm in my tone? Yeah - that. Completely unnecessary and totally unfair. I am a dick.

It did get me thinking, though, about all the little colloquial ways we refer to each other in the UK that impart a HUGE amount of meaning, more so that the cutesy turns of phrase in the US (Whats up, buttercup?):

"Alright, guv" is a cheery colloquial greeting imbued with deference to a more senior individual - the verbal equivalent of doffing one's hat.

"Alright, me old cocker" is something you might hear in an old man pub between two older working class chaps.

"Listen, sunshine" - similar to "sonny jim", this would be used by an older or more senior person to a younger man. There is a slight implication that the younger man is a bit of a scamp - there's a certain ring of discipline about it, like a policeman talking to a naughty school boy.

"Whatcha, cock" - my personal favorite - like "me old cocker" you'd most likely hear two older guys exchange this greeting. See also the hilarious Carry On style gag that include the line "have you got the time on yer, cock?"

Seriously, the more I have to explain the logic behind some of this British stuff the more I realize that it is all hilariously nonsensical. Its no wonder the world thinks we're all eccentric nutcases.

http://giphy.com/gifs/british-oh-yeah-yes-please-120RNLNDW7HMxG 

Surprise cinnamon has a savoury ally

We know the food in the US can be delicious as fuck. The sweet and salty combination that has only recently appeared in the UK (and is still viewed with suspicion by popcorn eaters) is clearly superior to either plain salty or plain sweet. Its not an unnatural abhorrence - peanut butter, yeah? - but a naturally complimentary flavor combination.

However, there are other flavor combinations that are NOT acceptable. I have two main issues here - the first is cinnamon, which I have already touched on. (Calling something Pumpkin Spice is fucking NONSENSE. Its cinnamon and nutmeg. But mostly cinnamon.) 

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Stop putting cinnamon in and on everything sweet. Apple tastes lovely - it does not need cinnamon. A buttery cookie is delicious - why have you desecrated it with this powdery shit? And, y'know, if you're going to ruin it at least have the decency to tell people. The thing I hate most is surprise cinnamon. It immediately ruins the thing I am eating, for which I had high hopes, and I want to hunt down the arsehole who baked it, roll his nuts in cinnamon and see how he likes it? 

Well, lucky me, I have discovered the savoury equivalent of surprise cinnamon. Surprise fennel. I was starting to get suspicious of pizzas - there was a weird flavor that didn't add anything to my enjoyment of tomato, cheese, dough, garlic and pepperoni. An incongruous notion that kinda took the edge off of everything. Then I bought a "Tomato & Basil" pasta sauce yesterday, thinking that the dominant flavors would be tomato and basil. Yummy. I was so very wrong. I could smell the fucking fennel as soon as I opened the lid and it overpowered the tomato, the basil, the spinach pasta, the pesto and the cheese. 

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Again - why are you messing with a delicious flavor combination by adding an incongruous and distracting turd of a flavor? Does someone in Congress own a fucking fennel plantation and there is a fennel quota that all italian food manufacturers stateside must adhere to??? Stop the madness!! 

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