I don't want to look like any more of a miserable, sarcastic git than I already do, so, to compliment the list of crap hotels, here are some of the best I've stayed in:
Traders Hotel, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia: The most awesome hotel. Ever. You want a teksi? There is a ready
supply waiting outside (and they'll give you a Traders card with the
address of the hotel, a small map to show the cabbie on the way home
where you're going and the number of the taxi you got in - just in case
you leave anything behind). You want to iron your shirt at 2am ready
for the next morning? The iron and ironing board are waiting for you in
the room (you dont have to call down to the night monkey at reception).
You don't want to be woken up at 9am with new towels and some lady
trying to make the bed with you in it? Just put the 'Do Not Disturb'
buzzer on and no-one can ring on your bell, let alone come in the door
(if you want them to clean the room later just dial 3 and they'll send
someone up). Everything in this place works exactly like its supposed to - they seem to have covered all the basics. Then added a bit more service. And made all their staff greet you with a smile and some polite conversation. Spot on.
Princess Barcelona: So this may be a bit of a cheat as I haven't actually stayed here, but a close friend has and I've seen the pictures and they rock. What's not to like about a room with a glass fronted bathroom and an electric shutter than comes down to hide your modesty. Se - e - xy.
Unitas Hotel: Four star convent-cum-czech secret police prison - some world-class hotel booking if I do say so myself. Polite staff? Yes. Modern overhaul? Splendid. Very reasonable price? Of course. Right in the centre of town? Mais oui. Violent history? Do tell. DVD players in every room, and a DVD library in reception? Really? Thats a marvellous idea. Hair conditioner in the bathroom? Holy crap - that never happens - if I forget my conditioner I have to walk around with hair like straw. Two little bottles of spirits and a birthday card on arrival? What a lovely touch. Did you tip them? Of course not - I'm not made of money.
Radission, Orlando: With a spectacular view of a multi-lane carriageway and a discount gift shop in the car park I had that scary, sicky feeling of dread when we pulled up in the car park. Receptionist was mental - engaged us in a conversation about how small and disorganised the roads are in Orland (?!) but, the room was a good choice. Two massive beds with a new-fangled device that allows each bed-buddy to determine the softness of their part of the mattress. A microwave and fridge. A little seperate lounge area. An ipod dock alarm clock. Free wifi. Massive tv. 10 minute walk to any fast food you could imagine. Free cookies in the lobby. It didn't really need the free chick-lit novel that appeared outside everyone's door one morning, or the takeaway leaflets posted under the door thrice daily, but they were just added extras that made this place all the more entertaining. Hilton it was not, but it felt all big and squadgy and with a big ol' dollop of jetlag on our brain pudding it was just what we needed.
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